Reassuring the Grandparents

As far as the new baby goes, we are planning responsibly of course.  First of all, we recently bought a pit bull (named "Red Fang") that we are keeping in the house for added security.  Safety first, especially with a new baby!  Also, I have started breeding my pet pythons and anacondas that I keep in the house.  They are all over 20 feet long now, and I figure we can get several hundred baby snakes per year!  This will help support us financially as I have recently quit my full-time job.  With finances in mind, Jamie and I have begun refinishing wood furniture at the house.  The baby's room works out great for this.  It has a wall-size window that keeps the room bathed in direct sunlight most of the day.  This helps us to see our work, and also to quickly dry the spray-on varnish.  We also plan to save some money by not buying a traditional crib.  We will simply put the baby on top of the chest of drawers.  It has a nice 1-inch lip around it, so there is no chance for junior to roll off during the night.  Instead of pricey crib mattresses and sheets, we have come up with a really inexpensive alternative using layers of plastic grocery bags.  They are cheap, comfortable, easily replaced, and are non-toxic, in case the baby wants to chew on them.  Looking ahead a little, we have already lined up some cheap babysitting, too.  Our church has a prison ministry, and we know that the inmates would love to spend some time with an infant - a sort of therapy.  So, each Friday evening, we will drop all the kids off at the local prison and have the evening to ourselves, knowing that they are getting plenty of care and attention.  We figure that as the inmates are released, they will form an inexpensive (and experienced) base of babysitters for our future children, as well as those of other families that we make recommendations to.  Finally, as a surprise for Jamie, I am having a jacuzzi built into the floor in one corner of the baby's room.  Not only will Jamie be thrilled, it will be perfect for junior to crawl over and go swimming whenever he likes - we really want him to be comfortable around water.  So, as you can see, your grandkids will always be well taken care of.  You have nothing to worry about...  ;-)